enjoy my whining.

I shouldn't complain, but since no one reads this anyway and this is my blog, I'm going to.
I wish I saw kyle more than once every few months. I'm really glad I got to see him over fallbreak but it was scattered with silly fights. The longer we've been apart, the more we fight and 9 weeks is the longest we've ever been apart so that generated our worst ever fight. But we're used to it. We know how to work through it and that's what's most important. So it's only been a week and a half and I'm already ready to see him again. I know I probably shouldn't, but I've been keeping track on my calander each day that I see him so that the end of the year I'll know exactly how much time we got to spend together. I'm sure it'll be depressing because I'm only at like what... 100? and that's including our summer together because I didn't get to see him as much as I wanted. Ahhh. We've done it for 2 years now and only, hmm 2 1/2 more years of this. It's seriously so hard to handle and I can't say I've really found someone to relate to (which SUCKS!). I think the hardest thing about our relationship is the fact that we were thrown into this whole mess after only 2 months of dating. It definetly did not have time to grow and mature while we were together and doing it apart is just that much harder. I just miss him so much dang it.

So I know I talk about kyle quite a bit and I've ranted about our relationship this whole blog but when someone/somthing is this important to your life, it's hard not to. Speak of the devil, he's calling me now :)

So long, farewell, auf weidersehen goodbye

I hate losing friends. I invest so much time/emotions/energy into them that they become a part of me and when I lose a good friend I feel like I'm missing out (and I am) and losing a peice of my life that was dear to me. I lost a close friend this year. I guess she up and decided to spend her time with others and take her friendship elsewhere. I didn't do anything wrong, other than be myself. So I suppose she was never the kind of friend I wanted in the first place. Anyhow, I've made many better ones this year and I love them dearly!
I did think of my lost friend tonight though and it made me a bit sad.

Back to the Basics

I'm getting back what I've really been missing this semester. God. I need him and it's really easy to forget that when I'm so busy with school and work and volunteering and friends. God gave me some really wonderful roomates and a new best friend this year and instead of thanking him for that and really appreciating all that he does for me I've pretty much just put him on the back burner and relied on my friends for everything. Luckily my bestfriend is helping me get back to what I need and we're doing it together. Thank you Lord, you always take care of me.

Yes, No, Maybe So...

I promise to make one real and grown up decision by myself for myself within one year from today.

I've never actually made a real decision about my life. I let my parents choose my school. I let them decide when I graduate. I let Kyle dictate my summers. Oh and I depend on everybody else for just about everything else. You see I'm terrified of making decisions. Real decisions. Everyday decisions are even difficult for me. That's why every date we go on, Kyle choses my meal, picks the movie, picks the color, EVERYTHING! Needless to say, making decisions that affect the rest of my life are completely overwhelming. So. I simply don't make them. I'm terrified of making the wrong decision so I'm always asking other people what they think and letting them choose for me. Plus, that way if it goes wrong, it's not my fault, it's their fault for telling me the wrong choice when I trusted them. Dumb, I know.

Well not anymore!
I am 20 gosh darn it and I will learn to start making my own decisions.
I will make one terribly important life-decision by the end of next year. I'm promising myself.

Tired and Tyra.

uhhh I am soooo tired. I've had a headache all day and skipped my first two classes of the day. I feel like it should be Friday already and it should.
so
I'm all caught up on Glee now! One week ago I turned on So You Think You Can Dance while cooking dinner after work and I left the tv on without changing it. Then. I became hooked on Glee! After one episode I fell in looove. So for the past week I've caught up on glee and started ANTM again. Internet tv is so great because now you can be productive when you need to and watch your favorite shows when you have time. Back to ANTM.
TYRA IS RIDICULOUS!!
I'm pretty sick of her actually.
There's a story behind every weirdo on the show.
One girls is modeling for Jesus, oh but she's kissed another girl before. But to be fair, she does her part for humanity and shimmies and shakes her bum while dancing for the homeless every friday night after she feeds them at a shelter.
Another brings a rusty wheel barrow to highschool in place of a backpack and has an obsession with eyeballs. She nicknamed herself bloody-eyeball. She also can't figure out why she doesn't fit in and have friends.
One girl used to get beat by her boyfriend so she shaved her head.
One girl lives in a trailer with her husband and some roommates. They don't have plumbing so they pee in the yard and if they have to "go number two" they go to the gas station down the street.
Tyra. YOU ARE RIDICULOUS.
And I don't care how skinny you get, I don't want to see your belly anymore please.

only $12

so
Facebook wants me to be a skank. It has been bombarding me with firefighter adds for the longest time now and they seem to be getting worse and facebook seems to be getting smarter. Now facebook knows that I'm not a firefighter, but that I'm dating one. The following are "catchy" phrases that are either plastered on white thongs for my "fun time", a fitted tee for me to wear, or on a "fitted tee" for "my firefighter" to wear (what firefighter wears a fitted tee!?)

11. Practice Safe Sex, Sleep with a Firefighter (thong and fitted tee)
10. I Put Out (accompanied by a picture of a fire extinguisher) (fitted tee)
9. Firefighter's Bitch (thong and fitted tee)
8. Find 'em Hot, Leave 'em Wet (fitted tee)
7. Firefighters Do It With A Long Hose (fitted tee)
6. Firefighters Like It Dirty, Hot, and Wet (thong)
5. Firefighter's Entrance (thong)
4. Firefighter's Hose Only (thong)
3. Get Wet, Ride a Fireman (thong and fitted tee)
2. Firefighter's Sex Slave (thong and fitted tee)
1. Firefighter's Instert Here (thong)

Am I about to join the ranks of white trash women everywhere by marrying a Texas firefighter? Are women wearing these $12 thongs, and fitted tees going to become my friends as the "wives" get together for lunch and girlie things? I seriously hope that there are some classier ladies out there marying firefighters than the ones buying the t-shirts and skanky thongs.