be humbled.

This is why I want to be a doctor.

I was googling pictures for my honors project that I'm doing in my spanish class that I contracted to be honors. I have to do a presentation on how the Spanish language relates to my major. I'm focusing on how Spanish relates to being pre-med because i want to do medical missions overseas. So I google "medical missions" and this picture pops up. I click on it, and I instantly start bawling. You can see joy radiating out of this child's heart. Most of us don't have that kind of joy and we have a lot more to be thankful for than he does. This just reminded me of why God put me on this earth. To care for those who can't care for themselves. This could not have come at a better time because I've been questioning my mental abilities and doubting that I can get into and survive medical school. Then God shows me something like this and it's like he's saying, no, I want this for you and for your life and I'm calling you to something more. I want YOU to take care of these children in ways that their parents and government can't. I want to reveal myself to these children through you.

For pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. James 1:27

sometimes

things fall apart.
my fault? your fault? both our faults?
do i let go? or hang on?
i don't know.

so... what now?

Gianni Bini please.

Today was aweful.

I was sick nearly all day. I threw up this morning and the nausia lasted all day. I finally started to feel well enough to leave the aprtment and go to my study group and a few hours into my organic homework, I was feeling sick again. But now I'm back home cuddled up with my blanket and build a bear bunny (both from kyle) watching Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail. I'm a huge Meg Ryan fan and I'm really loving this movie. I don't think anything can beat her in When Harry Met Sally though. It's one of my favorite movies.

Also, on Friday I bought some gorgeous shoes. A wee bit expensive (although they were 40% off) but my 20th birthday is coming up in a month so I feel like I deserved them. I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that I'm going to be 20 soon! Geesh. I know I'm only 19 but sometimes it feels like i'm already 19! I feel like I went to be a 7 year old litle girl and then I woke up and I'm almost 20. I seem pretty lame right? Being upset that I'm turning 20. You're twenties are supposed to be the best times of your life. And one year closer to graduating, one year closer to med school, and one more year closer to my honey and my family (having them that is). I'm excited. Yes, I'm going to decide to be 100% excited about this new birthday!

These are my new summer shoes and I LOVE them!

Time to Buckle Down

It's almost the end of the year, almost. I'm so excited for summer but my excitement is turning into procrastination. However, my proctrastination has been productive. I finished a book I borrowed from Amanda on Monday. It's called A Long Way Gone, memoirs of a boy soldier by Ishmael Beah. Incredible book, completely inspiring. I recomend it to anyone. Oh and I finally finished Sex God by Rob Bell and I loved that book as well. Ok, actually I loved it more. It talks about spirituality and sexuality and how completely intertwined they are. The book basically says that our sexuality is all of the ways we strive to reconnect with our world, each other, and with God. Favorite quote from the book:

"It is possible for Hell to invade earth but it is also possible for Heaven to invade earth, and you can be that Heaven."

So should you read it? I think so.

this might end up like another old notebook

Ok…
So I”m completely new to blogging save an old embarassing xanga site from long long ago. We’ll see how it goes… I really enjoy reading other peoples blogs, maybe it’s because I’m nosey, but maybe it’s because I really enjoy thinking and so I enjoy reading others’ thoughts. I secretly hope no one will really read this, and that lots of people will read it all at the same time. I’m not exactly sure how often I’ll update this, but I’d like to keep things pretty up-to-date so I can look back and remember how I felt and what I was thinking during a particular time. But this might end up like another old notebook, with only one or two entries, each a year or more apart because I had forgotten about them and gotten too busy. Let’s hope not.

Oh, and I just thought I'd start out my new blog with a picture of some kind, not really sure why. So this is my lovely tree outside my house in Texas the day it bloomed.